Late night post

I have showered,ate well, had desert and I am hoping to get a good nights sleep. Tomorrows the next round of chemo and I am a bit nervous as I never feel comfortable in any hospital even if it's not for my own care. At the same time I am a bit excited to kill some more cancer. I had a good 11 days after the last round and hope for the same results for the next go around. 

I was on job sites today and let another couple of co workers know that the "C" word had gotten me. I haven't been able to tell everyone because I can't make it to work at 6:30 when everybody is loading up with supplies. Cheryl says I am embarrassed about having the "C" word, but I think it's just that I hate getting emotional so much and who wants to do that in front of a bunch of dudes anyways. I have already shed more tears in the last 6 weeks than in my entire life and it pisses me off that something so rotten could do that. It makes me angry and I get mad at having the "C" word everyday, but I that's the attitude that makes me get up and enjoy working.

I came up with a goal because I thought I needed something short term to look forward to doing and something that I can take away from the "C" word. This crap has me down to a scrawny 147 pounds and it makes me mad that I don't have the strength to shoot my bow. Starting this weekend, even with my chemo bag, I want to start lifting small weights to get my arms, chest and shoulders strong enough to target practice again. Shooting targets could be a good way to get focused and maybe I can hunt next year without just taking up a chair around the camp fire.

Thanks for letting me rant and good night to all,

Jeff