Long time since my last post

It's been a long time since my last post. I have a couple of bulged discs between my shoulder blades and it has caused some extreme pain in my right arm. Anything between my shoulder hurting, to tennis elbow, to a deep pain in my triceps has been challenging to do much. I have been on a steady diet of muscle relaxants, Lortabs, bone cracking, massages, and strengthening exercises to get this thing to go away. Still no luck. Today though I wanted to catch up. 

Cheryl, Paige, and I have been busy. We went on a long road trip to see Eric and Michelle get married, Chris graduate, and to see some long time friends who feel like family to us. Thank you all for your hospitality. I have played some golf with good friends and it seems my game is the same whether I am under treatment or not. I am not sure how to take that, but my friends didn't laugh at me to much, although I think I gave them lots of opportunity's. I even snuck in a boys nite out camping, horseshoes, and a little ATV action. There is nothing like good campfire food and talk to make you feel better. I am looking forward to having my brother and nephew out to visit when my whole family goes to Yellowstone over the 4th of July holiday. I can't wait for the laughs and good times.

The treatment is going pretty normal. The side effects are still fairly predictable and that has made life easier. The shooting pain of the healing of the fingers and feet has been really painful when they happen, but the electricity storm doesn't usually last to long though. Short pulses get me going, but I don't see them ending anytime soon. At best I still have only partial feeling in my feet and finger tips. I am trying to get the phone number of the guy who talked with me about radio wave therapy to get more info on that and pursue that avenue. I just don't really want to lose this battle. Got to try.

Thanks for reading and caring, talk to you later.

Jeff

PetScan results

Hello all,

Monday was another day of good news, the tumors continue to shrink. I did learn that my cold is not gone however. I seem to have a large mucus mass still in me that I need to keep fighting to get healthy. Dr. Sharma wasn't quite himself this time, he scared Cheryl and I into thinking he was an alien replacement. He tried to show a human side and step out of his research persona for a bit. He was enjoyable to talk to, informative for our questions, and even tossed out another procedure we can try after the chemo stops shrinking the tumors. This is way more than he has ever let on. Although not a chance for curing me, it at least gives me another weapon to keep alive with. 

Cheryl often tells me that you all want to know how I feel, so I thought I would fill you in. The new medicine is a bit harsh than the previous mix. I get quite a bit of bleeding in my nose, mouth, and from even the lightest scratch. It happens randomly so I need to keep tissues fairly close to me and now I use a box of Kleenex up pretty fast just on my own. Swallowing blood is getting old, the taste is horrible in my mouth and I often eat something to get rid of it. I am within 6 pounds of my weight before the bad news so the appetite is back, but that is a bit bigger than I want to be. I have gotten these brown spots on my hands and on my feet and we don't know why. My nails have become super brittle and they used to be quite strong. I have stopped taking the medicine that caused the numbness in my hands and feet, but the healing process has been painful. It's not a constant pain, but instead it's a randomly sharp needle piercing feeling. It sucks because it wakes me up constantly when I sleep or I often wake up without feeling in my arms. The tingling and pain moves from toe to toe and from finger to thumb to palm like a big weather cloud. The doctors say in can take from 6 months to a year to heal if it will at all completely.

We are very busy at work and it takes my mind off the cancer and gives me something else to focus on. We are getting excited about the U2 concert next week. We then have Paige's 12th birthday coming up on the 27th, we have our 20th anniversary on June 1st, and Cheryl catches up with me in age for her 43rd birthday on June 4th. We then have friends getting married on June 11th and we are taking a road trip to see them in California. There is lots to look forward to. I am going to golf while hooked up to the meds on Cheryl's birthday and for Fathers Day, that ought to be interesting. Looks like I have chosen the wrong time in my life to almost give up drinking.

Well thanks for reading and for your caring words, it means a lot to me.

Jeff

Can't stay down for long.

Hello all,

I thought I would post just to thank you all for your comments after I posted last. It wasn't on the doctors list, but camping with good friends and having a great time this weekend in Zion was great. Jason and Melissa made some dutch oven Bourbon Chicken that was fantastic. We then hit the trails and did all three Emerald Pools (complete with water falls) with a side swing through the Grotto and ended up at Zion Lodge for a tall ice cream cone. The best reward for hiking that I can think of. We all enjoyed the sun, especially after we heard there was 4-6" of snow that appeared overnight at home. Cheryl made some mostaccioli and apple cobbler in the dutch oven and it also hit the spot. No camping trip would be complete without having a few drinks around the fire, and we know how to do that right. I even tipped back a few myself, quite enjoyable might I say.

The only thing that was upsetting, was looking at all the older people camping and realizing that was our dream when we retired. It is sad that I won't be able to be with Cheryl when that happens. As many people have told me though, miracles can happen. It's just that sometimes reality is so big when it's in front of you all the time.

Well it's time for dinner so I will let you go,

Jeff

2nd opinion no better than the first

Hello my friends and family,

Well we went up to another doctor to get a second opinion and to discuss some treatment options. Nothing much is different. The cocktail I am taking is good, but it is suggested that now that my finger tips are numb that I should stop taking that drug and go without for the summer. Most people can only handle 8 or so treatments and I am on number 14. The reduced effectiveness is not worth the nerve damage being sustained. Surgery doesn't appear to be an option either, there is just to much cancer to deal with. The danger heavily out weighs any possible benefits. All I would do is just damage or lose some of the remainder of the functioning liver left. Typically they try to clear one lobe and let the other function and then possibly switch, but that will never work with the quantity I have. No radiation, surgery, or cyro can ever work.

So we stay with various forms of chemo forever until I pass. The outlook remains the same. Everybody in my boat only last 2-5 years, but there are always exceptions. I need at least 6 to see Paige graduate from high school and 8-12 to see college graduation. There has to be goals set!!!!

I got to say I am a bit disheartened. The info was very consistent, but this lady was much more able to explain reasons for and against different approaches.

It sucks to be me today for sure, so I am enjoying a real beer tonight.

As always, thank you for caring to read and your good wishes.

Good night,

Jeff

The Cold is getting Old

Hello all,

Well the cold finally got bad enough that it stopped me from taking chemo today. I am feeling better than earlier in the week, but my numbers were to low to take a chance and wipe out what little white blood cells I have to fight the cold. They of course want me to go next week, but I am going camping with the Cary family so chemo will have to wait. It's going to be a month rest, but life is too short not to have fun with friends. A good hike will help kill the cold or at least make me more fit to fight it.

I want to thank long time family friends Trudi, Eileen and Kevin for sending me cards with good wishes this week. It is much appreciated and thanks again. I also got the official invitation for Eric and Michelle's wedding. That's in June so it's going to be a road trip and I love road trips. Its a great opportunity to bond with the family.

Well time to go eat and finish my health drink (it used to be vodka and cranberry, but now its NA beer).

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Getting a bit sick

Dang colds. Looks like I have picked up a cold from Paige or a guy I work with. YUK. My head is full of goo and sleeping straight up doesn't lend itself towards a good nights rest. Hopefully I can beat this back and still do chemo this week.

I reached a new low this week. Honey Dijon mustard was to hot for me spice wise. I know, pretty soon all things will just come down to ketchup. Sad, sad ,sad.

Dinners ready, talk to you all later.

Jeff

Yuk, this crap is getting old.

Hello all,

Cheryl reminded me to blog. I haven't felt real good and I have gotten tired early in the evening and just haven't felt like doing much about the normal time I blog. This was round two of the new meds and it just really kicked my butt. The fatigue has been a huge burden and I haven't wanted to work out or do anything strenuous. I have to everything as soon as I get home or it won't get done. The last few days I have had bad dizzy spells when going vertical or even just laying down. It makes me get the spins really bad. My nails have become brittle, my fingers and toes have gotten numb rather than just a tingle, and I bruise or cut with the slightest contact. My nose runs every time I eat, and now anything spicy lights me up like a bright red sign. You name it - Costco salsa, Dave's Rich and Sassy BBQ sauce, certainly hot sauce on eggs, and even chipotle soup makes me sweat. This is really getting annoying.

The bright side of things is that I have gotten to spend some time with buddies for the March Madness games on the weekends. What a blast to hang out, high five when the action is good, and just go out and shoot baskets during breaks. That has been my only exercise and it was to fun to call it exercise. I had a couple of White Russian drinks and man did they taste good. We just made some reservations to go to Zion National Park with the Cary's at the end of the month and that will be real fun. Plus, I have a trip planned for Yellowstone National Park planned around the first week of July. My brother and my nephew are coming out West for the first time, so we are going to camp at the KOA so we can have a fire and hit the pool.

Work is busy and that is a blessing. It keeps me going and I really enjoy the challenges of keeping sharp and organized. It definitely keeps me focused and helps me not think about how sick I feel sometimes.

I had my first chance to re-pay the favor of someone giving advice and comfort about this C word. There was a newbie in chemo last week. She was diagnosed with stomach (C word) and was all emotional about the drugs, her port was put in wrong, and to top it off she was from Wyoming. I was walking by her on the way to the facilities and the nurse was trying to explain to her the symptoms and all the things that could happen and she looked like a dear in the headlights. I only could talk to her briefly as the nurse was trying to plow through the info as fast as possible so she get her "C-word and You" manual. I remembered that feeling of uncertainty, being a bit terrified, overwhelmed with info, and just feeling like you needed to cry for a bit.

I still feel more lucky than most, at least I am functioning in life rather than puking in a bucket and just laying in bed.

Thanks for reading and have a great night,

Jeff

Happy St. Patricks Day

Hello all,

Well I was back in the saddle Friday taking the new drug. It took an extra 90 minutes of treatment. They have to give tylenol and benedryl as a pre med to this for side effects and I promptly fell asleep for the first time taking chemo. I slept for a good two hours while Cheryl kept tabs on me. I definately didn't take the treatment as well, but I think that was partly due to not having good counts even after taking 3 weeks off. The body just doesn't want to recover as well.

I really had a great time in Vegas last weekend and this weekend I went on a ATV ride with my friends -- chemo ball in tow. That was a blast, but I was pretty slow on Monday. I got to work early, but was home around 3:00 and asleep in bed by 3:10 and took and easy hour nap. Tuesday was a little better, not stellar and then Wednesday I was back to more normal. I even hit the elliptical for some exercise. The numbness and off balance sensation got bigger with this treatment as well as more bloody noses. I am going in for bloodwork tomorrow to get a mid week test for the new treatment. Red meat is in order, maybe a little steak on the grill perhaps will be in order for the weekend.

Well Utah State is back on TV for the tourny so I will let you all go -- again thank you for reading,

Jeff

Skipping Chemo and going to Vegas baby!!!!

I am so excited to go to Vegas for the NASCAR race, that I am sure I won't sleep much tonight. I am going to meet Eric, Michelle, Gary and his love for a full race weekend. The forecast is warm and not much wind, so that should be great. I am going to put off chemo til next week and add that other chemical evastin (sp?????). The side effects are blood clots mostly and I didn't think a trip involving a lot of sitting down would be a good combo. If there is going to be complications I would rather be at home anyways.

Cheryl and I were just reading the paper and starting tomorrow, it's national colorectal cancer month. Each year 150,000 people will be diagnosed with advanced stages of the cancer because there are no warning symptoms. It is the second leading cause of cancer deaths. They ask people to wear blue. My doctor is having a special roll out and will be passing out pins to help awareness. I didn't want to be a member in that club and I hope all of you get your tests done to be safe.

Ok, time to go and pack. I have to get all of my Clint Bowyer gear packed and ready to wear. Talk to you all later.

Thank you for reading and caring,

Jeff

And the results are?

Hello all, I delayed posting this week because I was going to meet with the doctor today and get the results of the latest PETscan. I have felt good all week, but I have been wearing a mask to all public places just as a precaution to avoid getting sick. I felt so good, we all went on a little snowshoe hike with Cari on Sunday. It was supposed to be an easy trail, but I would have rated it moderate. It was a continuous uphill climb for about 2 miles then all downhill back and not much flat in between. Good exercise, I was winded, sweaty, thirsty and very hungry afterwards. We went to the PIE afterwards and man did we eat some pizza. Good shit man. This little exercise thing and my eating habits are still holding me around 167 lbs and I really feel good.

The best part of this last week were the results today. According to the scan, the liver cancer is still reducing and the colon cancer does not even show up. This doesn't mean it's completely gone, but there are not enough live cells to detect via a scan. 99.9% is good though. They now want me to add another chemical to the treatment. We didn't do it before because the side effects were not good for the colon cancer and the size it was. This would help my current cocktail reduce the tumor faster in theory. We are going to read up on the side effects again and see if that's something we want to do.

I was so excited, I gotta say it pulled some tears out again. It also means I can skip a treatment more comfortably when I go to the NASCAR race in Vegas. I will even be able to have a beer with my good friend Eric and really enjoy the race.

Good night all and again thank you for those prayers. They must be working.

Jeff

Roller coaster ride

Hello all,

Went in for the normal chemo treatment again, but was just barely able to get it. All my numbers tanked again this week and looks like I will be wearing a mask in public and not going out to eat for the next two/three weeks. That really stinks as I am sure I will have cravings that will make me do take out anyways. I am feeling good too, not really sure why the numbers tanked so bad. I got plenty of exercise in Vegas and even hopped on the elliptical for 20 minutes in hill climb mode (real ass kicker) Thursday. Not bad for an old guy either, I cranked out 4.3 miles and didn't pass out like I did last time. The next big mile stone is to stay awake for the Superbowl on Sunday. I usually have to nap between 2-7, but I have some people coming over and that should keep me up. Well thats the latest news, I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Recovering from the weekend

Hello all,

Well I got healthy enough to take chemo this week. My white blood cell count went from 0.9 to 4.1 during that extra week of rest. That was fantastic. They did however back off another drug in my cocktail to help me stay more on schedule and not make my bone marrow have to work so hard to make the blood cells I need. That means we have backed off on  2 of the 3 chemicals. Matter of fact, the third chemical, 5FU made me sick this week after taking treatment. This is the last chemical they give me and I was sick within the first minute of the 5 minute push before putting the ball on me. It was like a gut bomb and it went right for my stomach. We tried to go to dinner after-wards to take advantage of a birthday dinner coupon, but I had to leave before my food was served. Cheryl and Paige ate and then came home with my food. It tasted good the next day.

Well I didn't want to miss the football games this weekend, but with chemo getting screwed up I knew I would normally fall asleep during the 3/4 quarters of the Packer game. So I had Cari take me to Brad's house where there would be lots of friends and cheering to keep me awake. It worked so good, that I stayed awake until 10pm. I took a shower and was asleep in 10 minutes. I hope I can do this again for the Superbowl, it would be sad to host the party but never see the game or our friends.

Thanks for reading and have a great night,

Jeff

Tuesday's Weigh-in

Hello all,

This week we kicked it back up to 166lbs. Keeping food inside you will make you gain weight come to find out. The only thing that pissed me off this week, was that I was not able to take chemo last Friday. Battling the stomach flu dropped my white blood cell count way below what was needed. I am back on the wagon of taking all my vitamins and seeing if I can help boost the system to be able to take chemo this week. If I can't they may opt to give me shots to help boost the count. I did go snowshoeing Sunday for some exercise, we did about 4.5 km and I was not tired after-wards -- good sign. I am starting to not like the feeling of the chemo in me, but I hate to miss an opportunity to kill cancer. The nose bleeds were down significantly this week and so was the numbness in the toes and fingers. I also didn't have any mouth sores after this latest round and that was great to enjoy.

That is all this week, everything is building towards Friday. Talk to you all later,

Jeff

Weigh-in Tuesday

Hello all,

Just tipped the scales at 162 lbs. Well I am finally over the stomach flu. My immune system can't fight shit apparently and I needed a bit of help. Friday I went in for my normal blood draw and needed to get a bag of IV fluids in me. It was like putting a quarter in me because I felt great after-wards. The cramping went away and I was able to go out with friends Saturday night for a massive steak dinner. I couldn't eat much as I was afraid of getting rid of it within minutes, but the constitution stood strong until morning. I did have a small cranberry and vodka with a touch of lime with dinner and man did that shit taste so good. I only had one, maintaining doctors orders of moderation, but it was my birthday so what the hell. I was glad to make it to 43. Sunday I went out for sushi and ate big. Life is back to normal.

I did miss ice fishing with my friends on Saturday though and that really made me mad about being sick. This was an annual thing for us to go ice fishing on my birthday and I felt like I let the troops down. The good news was they caught lots of fish, but I really wish I would have too. I have found that the cold is really getting to me though, so good health is important. The more I take this FOLFOX the more the hands and face are sensitive to cold and sometimes it just hurts when we are this cold.

Getting ready for round #9 Friday. It's a great chance to kill cancer, but I have to tell everyone that I am getting much more sensitive to the treatment. I tried explaining it to Cheryl as feeling like a sensation of feeling it move through my body. I haven't gotten really nauseous yet, but it feels like I could especially on the Saturday. Just a general feeling of yuk in the whole body. Taking chemo and having the stomach flu may have amplified it, but man that treatment was rough. That reminds me, I got some bad news this week. Before I had my first treatment, I had a company come out and replace my piece of shit garage doors. The owner gave me an install date on the same day as my treatment. I explained that I needed it the day before and the reason why. He was very kind to share that he had liver cancer too as well as some lung and lymph nodes. He told me the about his battle between running his company and doing chemo. Great employees was the key and made the days he missed not so bad. He had battled for 3 years and was even going so far as to look and mess with natural cancer fighters in herbs and diet. January 6 he died, Cheryl pointed it out to me in the obit section of the paper. It brought tears and a real sense of sadness to me. The battle never ends --- I hope none of you even get started.

Be healthy all my friends and remember to get your colon checked.

Good night,

Jeff

Still have the stomach flu

I hate being sick. Normally I would never have to take anything, but this cancer/chemo combo really shorts my immune system. I did a weigh in last Tuesday and by Wednesday I had already lost four pounds. It was like a free colon cleanse. YUK. With the sickness I dropped from 170 to 163. 

I have more treatments scheduled for chemo and another PET scan scheduled for 2/4/2011 followed by a meeting with the Oncologist on 2/9/2011. This should be the big pow wow and see the real images for the progress being made. I hope the good luck train continues.

I had goals of making it to Xmas and New Year and I made it. This Sunday I turn 43 and have my goals set to the summer. Paige's birthday is in May, my nephews birthday is in June, Cheryl's birthday is in June, our 20th wedding anniversary is in June and I have a wedding that I really want to be at in June as well. They say to have goals in short periods helps to keep a good attitude and that time frame is packed with cool stuff to look forward to.

Well that's the update, thanks for reading.

Jeff

Happy New Years to all

Hello all, I took some time off from blogging while my mom and dad were in town. Cari spent the night X-Mas eve so we all could wake up early for Paige. She surprised us this year and was up before we were. That was a first. Gifts were plentiful and we all had a good time -- I hope all of yours was the same. We ran into some bad luck just after mom and dad left though. Paige, dad, Cari, and I all got a case of the stomach flu and has kept us all down either in bed or near the bathroom. I was going to post Tuesdays weight from the holidays which had gotten to 170 lbs, but was already down to 166 lbs just after one day of being sick. I should say that I will not have to have a colon cleansing any time soon.

I had chemo yesterday instead of today this week. I wanted to be around for the book closing at work. Paige had a chance to go with me because Cheryl had to work and she jumped on it. It was a real commitment for her because I had to get her up at 6:30am to get there on time with the weather and roads. We still were 20 minutes late. She had fun, we took pictures with her Nintendo DS and played with our faces with the decorative modes. She got the layout of the place and soon had mastered where snacks, water, ice and the restrooms were at. The only thing she missed was the care dog that gets to come see everyone. I am not sure if that is a Friday thing only, or if some of the volunteers just didn't come in for the holidays. We had one person "graduate" for cancer treatments while we were there, she was from Wyoming. There seems to be a lot of people from there coming to get cancer. They rent an apartment when they come, I can't imagine what a financial burden they are placed under.

I have two more treatments until my next petscan, the new protocol is 4 treatments now to make sure the medication stays on top of things.

Talk to you all later and have a safe Happy New Years.

Love you all for caring,

Jeff

Some great news for X-MAS

HO HO HO!!!!!! Merry Christmas. I know its a bit early, but the good news is that my body is responding to chemo well and there is significant size reduction and activity reduction. They noticed some lumps on my thyroid though, but it too has reduced from the last scan. The lymph nodes around the colon and liver have also reduced in size and activity. 

The guy who comes to see me on Fridays just came to say hello, and his new chemo batch can't stop the cancer. They can only hope to slow it down to give him as much time as possible. Sad news, I felt a bit guilty being happy when he has such opposite news. He and his wife just found out that their 3 year old daughter has type 1 diabetes and will have to be on insulin for her lifetime. It has already taken her pancreas in the battle.

It sure sucks being in a room full of sick people, but then I have to remind myself that I am one. We will take the victory today and ride it for awhile and see what the next 5 treatments will do.

Talk to you all later,

Jeff

No word yet.

Well, it looks like I will have to wait until Friday to get my results. I called, but did not get a call back yet. I hate this part because the anxiousness is just bugging the crap out of me. I want to know if I am winning or losing this battle and some good news would go a long way.

I did weigh myself on Tuesday and I gained one pound to come in at 166lbs. I got home today and got right down to getting the exercise done before getting tired. I have been going to bed around 9-9:30 and I figured its the fatigue factor coming back.

I am going to cut this message short, I get pissed off waiting, but wanted to let all of you know.

Have a great night,

Jeff

The Day after

Hello all,

Yesterday I went in for my PET scan to see if these treatments are doing any good. After all, it's still about winning or losing this battle. I was so anxious this week and really was looking forward to yesterday. I wasn't allowed to eat after 5am for this test, but I made it up to eat though. When I got done, I ran into my nurse in the cafeteria while I was scarfing down a big slice of pizza. She said she would look at it Monday or Tuesday. The anxiousness continues.

I did weigh myself on Tuesday and I stayed at 165lbs. Yeah!!!! I really feel good at this weight and has helped me feel a little more fit. I believe that has allowed me to work out a little more. The numbness in my feet is also going away and I have much better balance with the backing off of the meds. I hate to give cancer a break, but this coordination coming back is good though. The chances of falling goes down and thats a good thing with the platelets dropping. All this week I have had continous bloody noses. I not sure if its all the platelets fault. This dry air and the allergy to the cats doesn't help either as I am constantly blowing my nose.

Well, I am going to see if I can get on the roof and put up some Christmas lights. I thought the house would go bare this year with me being sick and the roof getting so much snow lately, but this weeks warm weather and rain has melted the roof clean.

Talk to you all later and have a great weekend,

Jeff

This blog coming to you live!!!!!!

Well maybe not live to you, but I am hooked up and taking in round number 5. I haven't blogged all week, but I have been getting tired and going to bed right after Paige goes down. I only gained 1 pound this week and I would love to stay at 165, as I feel good at this weight. I have been working out, but I didn't drink as much water this week as I normally do. Shame on me I will have to do better as  I can tell by me getting dizzy every time I stand up or lay down. The exercise has been split between snow removal and a lot of walking on job sites or a little weight lifting. The arms are still week, but they are getting better.

The doctors seem a little fickle on my treatment. I am staying at the 20% less treatment this week, but they are going to schedule a pet scan before my sixth treatment now. That is good for my knowledge and for insurance purposes. That test is $4700 bucks a pop and I am at least close to this years deductibles being met. Damn it's expensive to be sick. They were going to wait until after my 8th treatment, but now the policy is every two months. I should have Cheryl take a picture and post it like they always have a picture of the reporter when they are covering the story but the video feed is down.

Take care everyone,

Jeff

Tuesday's weigh in

Hello all,

I thought I would get back on schedule today and weigh myself on time this week. The crushing weight this week is 164. Up another 3 lbs., but I am also now working the weights. Maybe I am building muscle. The arms still look skinny though. I am hoping to add some cardio in this week. Last time jumping jacks were more than I could handle, but we will try again, and maybe get on the elliptical.

The last two days have stunk with side effects, just tired and aches in the body. Typical for my schedule, but I think the cold just makes it worse. Yuk!!!!

Well its snowing and I need to see if I have to shovel or not, talk to everyone later and have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Good night,

Jeff

A little good and a little bad.

Another round of chemo is in the books, and I am halfway to a pet scan to see my progress. I had a little setback this week, the numbing in my toes and tingling in my hands has forced the doctors to back off 20% on one of my treatment medicines. Most people recover after they stop taking the treatment, but some do not. We are backing off the see if I can recover and get a little more feeling back in my toes for balance. My numbers are still looking good the continue treatment even though my platelets are going down quickly. I keep losing hair and I am starting to notice now, Kojak won't be a good look for me.

The good news is that by keeping busy today and watching the race on time delay, I didn't have to take a nap like usual. Thanks to some snow shoveling and working out today I was not as tired, but I will go to bed early to get busting ass on a project tomorrow. Speaking of snow, we got about 8" last night and today. My neighbors came by last night while I was watching the Utes win, and again this morning to clean off my driveway. Rusty also called to check on me this morning as well. I want to thank all of you because I didn't spend much time outside and that stops a lot of pain for me when I don't have to be in the cold. Thank you, Thank you, and thanks again. It means a lot to me.

I am looking forward to a good friend coming to visit this week. Eric comes up from California every year for Thanksgiving and I always look forward to enjoying his company. Its a long 10 hours each way and I hope the weather cooperates for a safe trip.

We its coming up on 8:30 and I am going to get Paige to bed as well as myself. Good night everyone.

Jeff

Wednesday's Weigh in

Well we only gained 2 lbs this week to settle in at 161. This is good, I have stopped hitting the fast food places in the afternoon for chocolate shakes. The little snack bags Cheryl makes for me helps quite a bit. I've got cashews, peanut M&M's, pretzels, almonds, dried pineapple, and soon to add dried grapes. That takes care of my sweet tooth and the chemo sensitivity is starting to make eating/drinking cold things not so fun anyways.

I forgot to blog this weekend, but I went fishing Saturday up to Strawberry. I wore my ice fishing clothes because it was fucking cold (sorry kids). When we arrived and put Brad's boat in the water it was 24°F and the wind was blowing, so it had to be in the teens or single digits with the wind chill. However, I did catch a really big fish, it was the biggest that I have ever caught on Strawberry. Smiles galore, hopefully the pictures turn out so I can scan them and show all of you. It was a good day fishing for all except Mark who got shutout. He had a couple of bites , but nothing that really hit hard to catch. It was only 29°F when we left and the wind was blowing harder. Despite the coldness, I could barely sleep Friday night. I was so excited to get out with my buds and do something outdoors. This makes me think that with the right clothing, I might be able to ice fish and that would rule!!(it's an eighties thing, not all of you will get it).

There was some bad news Saturday. My old next door neighbor passed away - I believe it was from testicular cancer. He was diagnosed just before we moved to our new location. I never feel old, but I watched Kris grow up from a young boy, to a teenager dumping beer cans in my garbage can, to a young man leaving for the armed forces. He came back to live in his mom and dads house and I got to know him as a husband and father and have a few beers legally. Our kids, around the same age, played together all the time in our circle. He leaves behind a wife and four kids just before the holidays.

Round 4 of chemo is coming this Friday. Watching my Utes crash and burn the last two weeks has been painful, matter of fact the chemo is less painful. Hopefully they can get on track and beat San Diego State. GO UTES!!!! The treatments are going well, no bad sickness other than diarrhea and a little abdominal cramping on the Sunday and Monday after-wards. The tingling in the fingers and toes, and the pain of coldness gets a little worse and lasts longer into the resting time. This will be half way to when they scan me again to see if the treatment is working. I hope it is working, I am not ready to leave Cheryl and Paige yet.

As my new cancer buddy would say, get an attitude and -- Fuck Cancer!!

Talk to you all later,

Jeff

Thursdays Weigh In

This week went by so fast. My mom and dad were still in town and left on Monday. It was great to have them out to see me. The third round of chemo went in Friday and that went well. The results/symptoms went like the second round and I was just tired Sunday and had to take my nap. I had to spend a bit more time around the bathroom as diarhea set in a bit. Life is back to normal though and just the sensitivity to cold is there. It's really kicking in with the weather the last few days. Tuesday and Wednesday I actually went to bed around 9 so I could be at jobs early, thats why I missed the weigh in earlier and didn't blog.

The good news is that I weighed 159 on the scale, but that means 12 lbs in 3 weeks. I hit the weights with Cheryl Monday and I am still sore from that (weakly guy). I went to do the same last night, but throw in a few jumping jacks, and that was a mistake. I had so much blood rushing through me I almost got sick. My head was throbbing so bad I thought it was going to pop (weakly guy again, I know).

Well, I am going to get working, talk to you all later,

Jeff

Tuesdays weigh in

It's been a bit since I posted last. These last few days have been nice spending time with mom and dad. Despite the rain and wind Saturday I lasted as long as Paige wanted to trick or treat. That was my hope and I was glad to be with her the entire time. I had my dad on board to take her on our normal route just in case I wore out. That was good considering my dad and I changed all of the hinges on the upstairs doors, mowed Cyndi's lawn and fertilized, and mowed my own yard. Quite the day and I still made it to 10pm (looking old when 10 is the goal, I know). Sunday was a day of rest. Clint Bowyer won NASCAR and the Cowboys suck eggs so it was a hi/lo day. The best part was nothing was sore from walking and I wasn't dragging ass. Maybe all of those calories and vitamins are working. I am trying to enjoy these days before this coming chemo Friday, you know, gotta stay active.

Well the new weight is-----------155lbs., up another 4 lbs. Now I am comfortable to start exercising. I can eat enough to keep up with the increased activity. Looks like I will have to do it on my own. Cheryl likes to exercise before she goes to bed, but I am way to tired to do that. She stays up past 10pm and I am not really that advanced yet. I still need my beauty rest, although I might just have to call it rest. I am still losing hair, but I don't notice it anywhere yet. I don't think I will look good with the Kojak style in place.

Well anyways, I hadn't posted in a while, but I wanted to catch everybody up. I feel good and most people tell me that they can tell the difference in just looking at me. I don't look like I am going to die anymore. That's good to hear.

Good night all,

Jeff

Wednesday's weigh in

Well I got to excited to get to work on Tuesday because I had a lot to do. So Tuesday's weigh in got put off until this morning ------ 151 lbs. It's nice to show a slight gain and certainly not a loss. I can tell a big difference because I get cravings quite a bit, so the food intake has been high. Most of the time I am taking second portions like my old self would. Thank God the chemo has left the appetite alone. I somewhat feel normal again and everyone tells me I have color again and don't look so sick. The only thing I have really noticed is the lack of strength in my hands and fingers. Opening chip bags was more of a challenge than it should be. I haven't started working out yet-------slacking obviously.

Mom and Dad got here Monday and it was really nice to see them. They were as worn out as I was Monday so the conversation time wasn't much longer than dinner, but still it was nice to have to have the whole family there. Tuesday the girls went to a witch fest at Gardener Village, so dad and I went out to Chili's and had dinner. It was good to have a serious conversation about the "C" word and still take time to cover the important stuff like fishing, racing, and our stupid football teams playing like crap.

Well I better get going to bed, I still get up so many times in the night, that it takes 9 hours of sleep to get 5 it seems.

Good night all and best wishes for all of you and your families,

Jeff

Utes post-game post

We were able to go to yesterday's game and stay relatively dry. And mostly warm. Jeff woke up this am with an empty chemo ball so we were able to be disconnected a little early. He has been tired today but nothing like 2 weeks ago. We had a rough nite as Paige had some nightmares and kept waking us up (unrelated to the current situation) and I' m sure sitting outside yesterday took it's toll.

Mom and Dad Curtis made it as far as Green River, WY so they will be here tomorrow afternoon sometime. We probably won't post a whole lot in the next little while as they will be here until the 10th.  We have chemo again on the 5th.

Thanks for the thoughts and well wishes.  We really appreciate it. We know we have a great  support system in our families and friends and grateful for each of you.

Cheryl, Jeff, and Paige

Utes vs Colorado pregame post

Hello and good morning,

Yesterday was chemo day. All went well, but I had quite the social hour. I had two wonderful people just walk up and introduce themselves. Dov has quite the similar cancers as I do, but slightly more widespread with a couple of other organs tossed in. He is 3 years into this process and answered many questions and volunteered a lot of info that I wouldn't have asked just meeting a stranger for the first time. He was training for an Iron Man competition when he found out. He has a little group of people that all have/had cancer and now they train and run together in 1/2 to whole marathons. They call themselves Team Tumor and their motto is "Fuck cancer - we are going running". I don't see the point in running unless it's for ones life, but the point from both of them was to exercise and stay busy as it fights off the fatigue and keeps the fight going inside.

Today I am feeling fine and keeping a close eye on the weather. I really want to go watch the Utes play tonight, but it's supposed to rain starting at noon and keep going. I will tailgate with friends, but I am really nervous about sitting to long in the rain to watch the whole game. Something about cold, rain, and the chance of getting sick makes me flinch. It's on tv so I will record it just in case I need to come home.

This weekend we are also cleaning house as my mom and dad are driving out to see me and will probably be here Sunday night or more than likely Monday. I am trying to get most of my stuff done today as last time I had chemo, Sunday kicked me square in the ass. No fever so far though and maybe that will help. I also slept really good last night with my chemo bag and that's got to help.

Back to chores - GO UTES!!!!!!

Jeff

Late night post

I have showered,ate well, had desert and I am hoping to get a good nights sleep. Tomorrows the next round of chemo and I am a bit nervous as I never feel comfortable in any hospital even if it's not for my own care. At the same time I am a bit excited to kill some more cancer. I had a good 11 days after the last round and hope for the same results for the next go around. 

I was on job sites today and let another couple of co workers know that the "C" word had gotten me. I haven't been able to tell everyone because I can't make it to work at 6:30 when everybody is loading up with supplies. Cheryl says I am embarrassed about having the "C" word, but I think it's just that I hate getting emotional so much and who wants to do that in front of a bunch of dudes anyways. I have already shed more tears in the last 6 weeks than in my entire life and it pisses me off that something so rotten could do that. It makes me angry and I get mad at having the "C" word everyday, but I that's the attitude that makes me get up and enjoy working.

I came up with a goal because I thought I needed something short term to look forward to doing and something that I can take away from the "C" word. This crap has me down to a scrawny 147 pounds and it makes me mad that I don't have the strength to shoot my bow. Starting this weekend, even with my chemo bag, I want to start lifting small weights to get my arms, chest and shoulders strong enough to target practice again. Shooting targets could be a good way to get focused and maybe I can hunt next year without just taking up a chair around the camp fire.

Thanks for letting me rant and good night to all,

Jeff

Tuesdays Weigh in

Well here it is, yet another Tuesday and the bone crushing weight is holding at an intimidating 147 lbs.

Both yesterday and today have been great days for me. I have worked full hours, did a little yardwork, changed out a door handle and had a little energy to spare. Nice. I also have been working hard on bringing in calories and I hit a bit of a milestone today. I did eat a combo macho burrito and a classic soft shell taco for lunch today at Del Taco. Tonight Cheryl made some tasty lasagna and I ate a good portion of it. The stomach may be stretching a bit and hopefully that will help me stay healthy by being able to eat like I used to.

I am knocking on wood, but these last two days I have felt better than most of the late summer. I am not saying that one treatment can be noticed, but it's nice to finally expect to be able to tell a customer or even make some personal plans maybe one day in advance rather than having to wait for the current moment. I am already looking forward to Saturdays game at the U, but watching the weather. Sitting in rain won't be on my list of healthy things to do. I'd rather watch the game on the MTN and stare at an open beer that I cannot drink.

Good night everyone and thank you for the comments - you making me laugh helps a lot,

Jeff

a great weekend

A brief check-in....
Paige thought her field trip was "fun, in a weird, complicated way".  She watched Jeff have blood drawn from the PortaCath, met Cindi the APRN (Dr. Sharma's RN), and Mary the Infusion RN.  Jeff's blood levels have remained stable and unless something comes up we are good to go on Friday for our next treatment.  Cindi tells us that Jeff's response to the first treatment is a good sign and usually indicates how well he will tolerate further treatments.
The beautiful weather this weekend allowed us to get quite a bit done outside--cut down roses, weeded and tore out the garden, edged, mowed and fertilized the yard, put away the patio furniture, blew out the sprinkler system; generally wore us out.  It was the most activity Jeff had done consecutively and he did phenom; had to keep his fluids and food intake high but overall impressive.  All this when his blood count is supposed to be at its lowest.
We are looking forward to next weekend as we have tickets to the U vs. Colorado State game and will be doing a little tailgating, virgin-style.  Jeff will packing his chemo ball (which BTW is some cooool technology) so hopefully we will not have security complications.  Our Infusion RN is also a season ticket holder and she has given us some good advice of how to manage it in public.  Mom W. will be customizing a new bag to make it a little more user-friendly.
We are hoping that Mom and Dad C. will be here next weekend to spend Halloween with us.  They will stay until Carl's b'day.  Maybe we can get them in costume....

Cheryl, Jeff and Paige

Something new, something old, and something changing

Yesterday and today were about the same. Pretty good for a sick guy. Still sleeping in because I have to get up in the night so much for the bathroom, but a lot of fluids will do that. I am eating normal except for the portions, I don't seem to be stretching out my stomach much. Tonight we did go for a walk, still trying to enjoy the last days of warm temps. I am trying to increase my speed because I can't stand how slow I walk. I have always walked fast and since I have been sick the speed rivals turtles and old people. It slightly bothers me because I am not used to people walking up on me and passing. Now I find it unnerving to have people walking up on me. Cheryl meanwhile is trying to increase my distance, so we added on another circle to walk through. I was breathing hard tonight, but got both accomplished. I will have to repeat until I pass people or at least they don't pass me anyways. The something new was seeing how much hair I lost in today's shower. This was the first time there were lots of short brown hairs rather than the normal long red ones. They say my hair is supposed to thin, but it was just the shock of it all. I am starting to have my toes ache, but I only notice it during rest.

Tomorrow I take Paige with me to Huntsman. She is curious to see this place I visit quite often. I have to go and see my Dr.'s assistant to talk about my first week of treatment and get some blood work to check out levels. I am reaching the point of all my red bloods cells taking maximum death and I need to keep eating to rebuild during the next week to get ready for round 2. Paige wants to see the blood pulled from the porta-cath and see the room where I get the treatment. She is obviously much more excited than I am, she is on a field trip and I have to go to the vampire club. I will post tomorrow to let everyone know how Paige did with the "field trip" and the blood draw.

Good night,

Jeff

Tuesdays Weigh in

Well I had better catch everyone up on the blog. Just as much as Saturday was fun and full of activity, Sunday sucked. I was so wiped out and so tired I just sat in the chair and watched my race. It was difficult to get food, water as I really wanted none of it. Cheryl got home from work and made me go for a walk. The doctors told us exercise fights off fatigue and that is a big side effect of this cheemo. To make matters worse I struggled with a fever close to 101°F and I am sure that was not helping, but this is also a side effect. A lot of sleep Sunday and into Monday found me ready to go and get going (although gettting up at 6am with Cheryl is not going to happen, my body likes 7:30). I was cramped all day like I had done a 1000 situps, but without the bod to show for it. I had to double day it on the miralax because I hadn't had a bowel movement in several days and that always gets me concerned. Monday we went on full flow and that was a relief, staying out of a bag is a major goal to getting me better, losing 4 weeks due to surgery recovery would really kill my cheemo time.

Today I feel better and I am moving around much better and going to get some more work done so I can start catching up on some projects.

The big weigh in number finds me at 147, this is the lowest yet. I maybe looking for some 32" pants here soon.

Talk to you later,

Jeff

tolerating chemo

Hello all---

Thus far Jeff is tolerating chemo quite well with no nausea or side effects.  He is quite tired as he didn't get much sleep as he had to sleep on his back or upright cuz he was afraid of dislodging the port/ball.  He was able to get up this am and mow the lawn (hopefully for the last time) and then go run some errands with me and Paige after we got our hair done.  Let's hope that this is the trend for all future treatments.

Right now he's watching the Utes play Iowa State yelling and cheering just like he was at a live game.  Some things never change.

Based on how long the treatment took on Friday we have rescheduled his chemo to the afternoons every other Friday. Originally we were told it would take about 6-1/2 hrs but we were in and out in about 4-1/2. By rescheduling it we will both be able to work a few hours in the am before heading up to Huntsman. Requires someone bringing Jeff to me at work or Jeff to take me to work in the am but well worth it as we are trying to minimize time off work as much as possible.

The nurse will be here approx 10:30 tomorrow am to disconnect him.  He meets with the oncology nurse next Friday and we repeat the whole cycle again in 11 days.

Cheryl and Jeff

chemo

Got here about 8am and got moving quite quickly. First they give about a 1/2 bag of fluids, then some Zofran while the pharmacy mixes up the day's cocktail. Then chemo starts. Chemo started about 10:30 with an expected done time of 12:30.  No nausea and we have been going about 1 hour.

The home drugs have been delivered  here to Huntsman along with a real cute ball to infuse them via.  The home health agency will make contact with us when we get home tonight to introduce themselves and schedule the disconnect time. Thanks to Alpine Home Health and Sherry for making that as smooth as possible.

We'll post later tonite after we get everything situated and we are relaxed.(hahahahha)  Jeff is now hungry and sending me for some food.  Thank goodness The Point is a good restaurant as we will be eating here quite a bit.

Cheryl and Jeff

today's events

We met with the oncologist and others today to finalize the chemo schedule and whether Jeff will participate in the drug study.  We will be starting on Friday this week with the piggy back running this weekend. One day at Huntsman, 2 days at home, 11 days off and then we start again.  This will be repeated approx 4 times and then Jeff will undergo another PET scan to determine if the chemo is reducing the tumor size at all.  Wish us all well this weekend....
Grandpa and Grandma Curtis will be coming our way soon to spend some time with Paige while she is off track and to take her trick or treating.  Jeff normally does this but the effects of the chemo can often be worse 1 week after infusion which unfortunately is Halloween.  Makes all of us sad that Jeff might not be able to do this but it is very important that Paige's life stay as normal as possible.  Having another set of drivers and adult helpers will be beneficial as things get more complicated.

Cheryl, Jeff and Paige

Weigh-In Tuesday

This week is even more unpredictable, I really had no bad days and my appetite was good. Every day this week felt like Thanksgiving and I ate a lot. We went out and had fish tacos with the Cary family on Friday nite and had a big nite out at Famous Dave's BBQ on Sunday for Cyndi's birthday dinner.----------- 151 lbs.

Maybe this means my metabolism is kicking in gear finally and that would be a good thing. A constant hunger will be needed during the chemo days to eat whatever I can even if its a lot of saltines.

Talk to you later,

Jeff

The weekend of work

With the unknown of chemo starting potentially this upcoming week, I spent the weekend trying to get some chores done. I felt good all weekend long and got some quality stuff done. The big chore was putting a cover on the 5th wheel. Rusty came over to help (thank you again Rusty) and of course there were no instructions. They said to go to the website and see a streaming video to get the know how. LIARS. The only thing I cound find was in the FAQ section that had a picture of an 88 year man being quoted as saying it only took him 20 mins. to put his on and he stood in front of 35' class A motorhome. As you can now guess, the laughing started. It took us at least 20 mins to get the cover unwrapped from hundreds of yards of plastic wrap. Once Rusty humped it up the ladder and got it rolled out, I was able to go up and help, but it still took us about 30 mins to get it figured out and completed. The banter about the 20 mins and the 88 year old man gave us lots of humor and we had fun.

Sunday I took down the wind/dirt guard off of my garage doors. They were so brittle and were always breaking off. I am getting new (insulated) garage doors and hopefully they can install the doors tighter. I can always add the stripping if the fit is not tight enough. The south wind always blows dirt, rain, and snow into the garage where the pieces were missing. The goal is to help keep the house warmer for me during this winter without having to take stock in the gas company. The rest of the time was spent catching up on filing, paying, and overall decluttering.

Tonight was Cyndi's birthday and we went to Famous Dave's BBQ. I ate a lot and it felt good.

Goodnight everyone,

Jeff

Something fun for once

Derek, my business partner and great friend came up with the idea to play in golf tourney. He thought that would be something fun to do and not think about the cancer. He was right. The first hole was tough on the shoulder where the porta-cath is at. I kind of expected that only 3 days out of surgery. Amazing though after a few shots that loosened up and I was able to swing normal. The tough part was getting used to new distances for my clubs because of the muscle attrition. Rather than using a 7 I would have to use a 5, it was that much of a difference. Another friend, Jeremy drove the cart and he is easy to talk to and I always feel more positive after being with him.

The only thing bad about today was riding in the golf cart, all those bumps and tree stumps that we drove over shook all my guts and that hurt the worst.

Well I had to put something positive on this blog, we always cover doctor info, but I wanted to let you know that I am still trying to get out and do something with the limited energy I have.

Goodnight.

You gotta take the good with the bad...

Met with the colorectal surgeon today and he is NOT recommending a colostomy or stent at this time. Woohoo!!! We will need to continue to monitor this though in case the situation changes. He does not feel however that Jeff is a candidate for a colon or liver tumor resection secondary to the significant involvement of Jeff's liver (basically surgery would place too much strain on what is left and functional).  BooHoo!! Disappointing to hear but we persevere on.  We meet with the oncologist on Weds to finalize the chemo schedule and drug regime and whether we will participate in a drug study. We are hoping to start next Friday pending getting everything (insurance authorization, Home Health agency selected, etc) set up. 

The drug study involves taking an oral chemo drug daily that will inhibit the tumor's ability to uptake and digest glucose.  As we understand it tumors need 2 things to grow--blood and glucose.  By participating in the IV chemo infusion and the daily oral chemo we will seriously affecting the tumors ability to thrive and grow.  Has some side effects as all drugs do...but theoretically is sound.

Cheryl, Jeff, and Paige

PortaCath placement

Jeff finally made it home at 8pm after another lonnnng day.  Arrived at the U at 1:30 with a tenative start of 2:30-3:30...5:00 comes and goes and Jeff is finally taken in at 5:15.  You can all guess how pleased he was with that delay.  First thoughts upon waking up?!?!?!!? FOOD

He's home now and beginning to have a little pain.  Given his reactions (extreme night sweats) to even OTC pain pills lately he is reluctant to take anything but we are gonna try some ice and ES Tylenol (mildest reaction thus far).

Next on the agenda is multiple appointments on Thursday at Huntsman--Colorectal surgery consult, Oncologist, Case Manager/Care Coordinator, Research Program RN, and Dietician (? sp).

Cheryl

Tuesdays Weigh in

Another Tuesday sneeking by and my new weight after eating hotel and trackside food adds up to ------- 154lbs.

Of course today will not help, it's another no food until after procedure day. I hate these days, I struggle to feel good without my small little meals.

I will post after the procedure --- talk to you later.

our weekend

Just got back from a hot weekend in Las Vegas for the truck race.  Got there and had the chance to upgrade to a 1Bdrm Jacuzzi suite which we took advantage of as this trip may be our last bit of fun for awhile.  Good thing we did as Cheryl got a nasty cold and Jeff didn't do so well in the heat so he was up and down alot and could lay on the couch.  (See attached pics--sorry about the quality; a cell phone camera can only do so much).  Another good race and good time spent with friends (nice to finally meet you, Michelle!!).  $30 well spent--look at these digs!!!!!!

Told Paige tonite about Jeff; she took it exceptionally well.  Lots of tears from all, a couple of questions, but amazingly calm.  Amazed at how resilient they are.  She didn't ask if he was gonna die; just what we had to do to get him better and how long it would take.  Explained Tuesday's procedure; helps that she has a good friend Bodie (shout out to the Carey's) who has a Portacath and she doesn't see him as a sick kid at all.  Just a "little brother" that she can torment.

Want to take this chance before things get too crazy to let you all know that we appreciate all your wishes, prayers, offers of help, etc more than you can know.  Know that we are logging each of them away and will take as many of you up on them as the need arises.  Probably won't post again until after the Portacath placement unless something comes up.

Jeff, Cheryl and finally Paige

today's update

Another lonnnnng day for Jeff.  Left about 7:30 and got home about 4pm.  Didn't really get the news he wanted, but it actually might make some longer term decisions easier.  We were under the impression that the stint would be removed once the tumor in the colon/rectal area had shrunk enough but alas this is not the case.  We could live with it permanently implanted if it didn't mean Jeff would have to keep his poo the consistency of puree for the rest of his life.  A colostomy that is reversable is looking better by the minute  (ain't that sad?).
The porta cath insertion for the chemo is scheduled for next Tues as well as the consult with the surgeon re: the colostomy on Thursday.  If we go with the colostomy we will do it ASAP as it delays the implementation of chemo (has to heal for about 2 weeks).
We are off to Las vegas for teh truck race this weekend, just the two of us.  Kinda bittersweet though as we are telling Paige the news when we get back.  Wish us luck.....

Love you all,
Glad we have great friends and family,

Cheryl and Jeff

Todays update - Tomorrows Schedule

Looks like a bonified day of fun lined up. First I shall spend about and hour and a half traveling through some really overcrowded traffic to be at an 8:30 appt. with a Dr. who wants to talk about putting a stint in my colon to keep things open during treatment. There's always pros/cons. After that I drive a couple of blocks to another building to get blood work, an IV and an EKG. Still with me, now I keep the IV and continue up another floor to get a PET scan to figure out if the "C" word has gone anywhere else.

I am not entirely sure I want to hear about the results of the last one.---- Tired of bad news and no beer.

On a lighter note I certainly hope this illness is not related to how my beloved Cowboys are playing. They do look sicker than even I feel.

Goodnight.